Haiz.....

Why is it so difficult for others to accept who we are and where we come from...
Fate somehow have a cruel joke on us...But challenges in life are meant to be faced so that we get better and that we learn something out of it.

It could be one of the most painful injury in life but does that mean you just give up?
Does that mean you can take whats not yours?
Kill,murder or sacrificed other people's life?

Think about it!!!

Who the FUCK are you to decide for others!!!

Why can't you just try and understand and be happy for the ones you loved if they are happy.

I strongly believe its not up to me to judge for others especially if the person i truly love is happy with their decision and that person is truly am happy.
I maybe young and stupid and playful most of the time but that doesn't mean i don't know what I Need/Wants... [more of a need then wants ]

Life is to short to regret what have been done or not done...
Lets just go with the flow....
Let fate decides....
If we are not meant for each other then so be it but please it's not because you wanna please someone else but it is to your own accord or that I've done grave mistake or its just because of me that i truly suck...

Hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.... If u are reading it anyways

As for now to me it's just one of those phase that I've gone through and am not gonna give the r/s up NEVER.....Till death do me part....waahaha

My only love sprung from my only hate,
Too early seen unknown,when known too late
Prodigious of love it is to me,that your parents loath me till end of days.

But no matter what my feelings and my thoughts of you remain the same.

A JOURNEY

First of all i want to say that I'm lost,maybe hahax am not too sure.So yupp???

Oh well,i don't really fucking give a damn about what others think or feel other then you.
It's not gonna be an easy walk in the park!There's obstacles and challenges that we have to go thru.It gets yucky,sticky and boring at times but that's part and parcel of A JOURNEY of a life.

These journey that we have took.Have created loads of memories,histories and we get mature and stronger in it.
I don't care if the world comes to an end or my life is at stake i would risk it all,at the end of the day I'm still human and I'm not about to give up to something that i love and cherished...Nope its just not in my vocabulary/dictionary.The tougher the journey gets the more I'm gonna push thru it because at the end of the day I'm the one who is madly in love with ya....

I know and understand that family and friends matter...But look at the facts at the end of the day it's still you who matter and its your future.Its your journey and its your picture that is being painted,so how colourful or interestingly the journey gonna go it still boils back to oneself...
I really appreciate the fact that you acknowledge my very existence and the Truth is i have once given up on love and this time round if i have to give it up again I'm so gonna be devastated,crushed,crumble,tumble......

We have gone thru what others took years to develop and Ive seen or heard of similar cases.Those who made it have a happy ending after a long painful journey those who does not make it, live a life of regret so yupp.....I do know a few of them so I'm not gonna allow myself end up in the same situation.Definitely I'm gonna work my ass off to get that happy ending no matter how painful the journey gonna take me..

I've decided and my mind is made up...If there is no love then i would rather not exist ever again.So shall late fate decides and I'm not giving up.....NEVER!!!

Christmas is around the corner and its time to make merry and be jolly...Haiya whatever that is supposed to mean....
I was dreading y'day at work just couldn't wait for it to end and my guess is?? Lady luck is definitely not on my side y'day(fucking hell).Went to the bike shop to look for a nice ride and the moment i decided what i really wana get by the time i get back to the stupid fucking shop.....It's closed!!!
It's like freaking 20min lar for me to eat and come back to the bloody shop...What the fuck!
That's like the main course hahax after that tried to get thru u but couldn't.Luckily the dessert was ok.U called and we chat hahax...
It's my fucking off day again and yupp if u haven't guess it,I have no freaking idea what to do and where to go other then meeting up with u....Hmmm.............Hope its gona be a splendid day ahead

Here we go again....

Another weekend another super busy day at work.And yup?As expected one of colleagues throw a fucking stunt again ARGH!!!This time at the very last minute she applied for a fucking MC.Maybe its real maybe its not whatever it is it left me in a fucking undesirable position(fucking cunt).With only 2 freaking fucking full timer working on the weekend and only 1 rescue trained personal to handle the course its NO fucking joke....
Though i managed to handle it well the credit should also go to the part-timers for helping and understanding my work.
Saturday was manageable,Sunday was a killer.I don't even have time for a simple toilet break.
Well whatever is done,is done.Now looking forward to the next challenge.
Stay true to oneself and only help those who really need it,it helps to calm oneself hmmm.....

Going For Gold!!!

The Jump did it in one try,
The Pull is easy,
The Tummy can managed,
The Sprint is fast enough,
The Run is unbelievable.

These are the things that every man needs to clear every year if they are deemed fit by the government and the price is "gold" as long as you can achieve maximum points for each station.

If only life is that easy!!! Aim for the gold and just whacked as hard as your god given driving power allows you too.

Everyone makes mistake and when you think of things you've done you can't help to wonder if things could be better handle or managed.Though I've never regretted everything that I've done,i still do wonder if i could have done it better.
"In order for you to be old and wise you need to be once,young and stupid"
That's, the catch phrase Ive used through out the years....hahax...

With time my instinct teach me to be a better person though the JACKAL in me keeps on telling that it's not worth to be a nice guy most of the time..hahax.....I've got to admit! It's freaking fucking hard to be a fucking nice person(don't think its in my nature)

Thanks to you every time i hear from you it just keeps me back rite on track to know that there is someone out there who still cares enough for me...

When will i get to see?I really hope the answer is soon hehe......

Something Missing

Feel tired but cannot sleep.
Eyes open but not watching.
Stomach empty but not hungry.
Wanna sleep but brains not resting.

Haiz...Its one of the most shittiest feeling u could ever get.You don't really know what is it that is missing.Been at home since 1930hrs and been doing fuck all!!! Haiz...what the fuck is wrong.

There are times that self reflection is a major turn over and there are times that it's pointless.

Helping others in their journey to self recovery have always been a pleasure.It gives great comfort to the listening ear and gives good vibes to the person that is helping.

As time flies the relationship that is being build should grow stronger and unbreakable.Tons of memories have been created and the impact is tremendous.

Cherished it and relished the moment.

Rar

Work is like freaking me out lar.

1. Got datelines need to meet.
2. Things keep on spoiling.
3. Hate the fucking batt used for my power tools.(they don't work too well for me)
4. Running low on cash.
5. They changed my off day like no body's business.

It feels gd though y'day.Met up with the guys to sabo Hab on her b'day.It was cool with me and Kaz teaming up against her.It's all in the name of gd fun.

Met up with you 1st for dinner then u went home to pack your stuff.(more like to collect your stuff)Meet up with u again later in the nite to help u pack u S.D.A(stupid dumb ass).Waahaha it was cool though that i get to help you and meet u b4 u go off again on your ever busy schedule.hehe.....Well whatever it is every moment spent with you makes me feel gd,plus it makes us grew closer woohoo!!!

"It's kindda weird though how much you would miss a person when the person is not around you!!!"

Hope u cherished the moment to.

I've got a feelings that most of my bros needed help now but at the moment no one is voicing their concern or troubles yet and like an average joe (as Always)i will just keep quiet and wait for the updates...

It feels good to help others but never neglect whats closest to your heart.

Work will always be Work

After spending 2 wonderful days and nite.Its now back to the real world(work).

The time spent with u was priceless and would love to go thru it again if given the option hahax.....

Oh well.... when it comes to work things have just been alil off normal...2 staff tendering their resignation where as the rest i have no idea whats in their mind....What used to be one of the greatest team now seemed to fall apart..Well i guess its just part and parcel of life.Its easy to get to the top but maintaining it is another question.Though i strongly believe we have yet to get there(top).

Could it be because of burn out? Could ppl have changed? Better offer was given? Well whatever it is the management staff may need to consider or look into it seriously because its not easy to create what have been created.And they need to learn to cherished or at least acknowledge the effort that have been put in...Hmmm......that's what i feel anyway.

Well as for me work have piled up...And more things needed to clear and all that i need is basically time...Need to learn to be able to sustained though I'm aware that i have great endurance level....Need to care for my body too...hahax....

At the end of the day its the passion that drives you to achieve greater heights.

Feels gd.com

It feels damn good 2nite hahax...yupp,yupp

Finally get to talk to u for the longest time since u went away for holliday....Though it's over the bloody msn it's gd enough for me hahax.Oh Well i'm just a simple guy with simple needs and expensive taste waahaha..

It feels weird though after a freaking tiring day at work you just managed to gather that last bit of strength left to carry on chatting....Oh Well these are the things that we do for our love ones i guess...And to top it up at the end of the conversation you just feel complete....I believe thats where Jerry McGuire get his lines from hahax fucking copycat..

Hmm....now with a more relax and peaceful mind u just managed to recharged yourself and ready for the oncoming battle ahead woohoo!!! Bring it on beb....

Work can never end it's just those mini satisfying moments would keep u going....Well thats life,love u?.....Yes i do,miss u? Thats for sure just can't wait for u to come back hahax

In the mean time gd nite sweet dreamz......

Sometimes i just wondered do u really do love me or u don't.
I'm nobody special i ain't got grt powers but i do noe wad is love and Damn rite i love you.You complete me in every way that i'm lacking though it's tough to digest for me but thats the fact and i can never run away from the fact.

To all the guys out there,if u really do love a gal;

1. Cherished her in every way u can.
2. Don't try to impress her so much coz it's a gv away.
3. Love her for what she trully is.
4. Compliment her from time to time(eveyone loves a compliment)
5. Be true and not a bastard
6. Don't act smart when u are actually not.
7. Give in once in a while(it helps)
8. Remember her birthday(Very impt if u don't wana die early)
9. Care for her needs and wants(more for the needs then wants)
10. Be there for her(it's companionship everyone crave for)

To all the ladies if u do love a guy;

1. All of the above
2. Try not to belittle him(he is a guy he would definitely have sum ego in him)
3. Be patient with him

Remember and trust me when i say this....It's not ez for me to fall in love but when im in love i give u my all...

Left alone

Life of bein a bachelor is grt actually when u think of it possitively.

• No one really cares about u.
• U can do whatever u want.
• No one to report to.
• U can come home anytime u want.
• The road of freedom is endless.
• U keep whatever u earned.
• U spend whatever u earned.
• U can buy whatever u want with no obligation.

But its kinda bored too if u think of it negatively.

• U have to eat packet food day and nite.
• U have to do ur own laundry.
• No one else gona clear ur shit for u.(hahax)
• No one to share ur day with when all ur frens are bz with their own stuff.
• If u are broke u r totally broke.

So here is my AGENDA for today.

1. Wake up,wash up go get b'fast.
2. Come home to do laundry and hosehold responsibility.
3. Check my mail and see if theres anyone to chat with.
4. Mid afternoon go and help u booked for ur test date.
5. Buy food for lunch.
6. Clean my ppe(personal protection equipment)
7. Late afternoon go catch a movie.
8. Settle dinner after that then home sweet home.

So yupp,thats what im practically gona do on a typical off day of mine hahax.....Whats worst is that i'm on off 2mrw too and i've got no bloody idea what to do also.All my mates are at work and i don't intend to go to work on my off day.Most prob i may just go for a climb or sumting

I went to some massage parlour yesterday and it cost me $100plus lar freaking hell.I've got to endured 45mins of pain while the old man pull,squeezed,press and got knows what other things he did to my injured shoulder.I even teared lar fucking hell.....Luckily im feeling as gd as new today if not im so gona screw that old man shop for shop.

Oh well at least my shouder is a lot better nw woohoo......CAn go for my climb sn hehe..

Better this way

Yup!!! It's better that i don't meet u for the time being til im fully recovered.

1. I'm injured big time pop out my left shoulder and it hurts big time.
2. Tired of work.
3. Needs loads of rest.
4. You are busy with your own agenda.

Oh well?.....I just don't want anyone close to me to get worried thats all....BAsically...Hahax..

Went for my normal weekly climb.Fall pretty bad that i actually injured my entire left shoullder.On top of all that i stil got to work hahax,so.....it actually agrevate even more haiz....It is a wonderful climb though the one and only time that i had pure fun and can be my true self.

Another packet food again for me,its like routine nw,day and nite i would just eat packet food..No ones at home,so yupp...im being a house husband/boy kinda guy hahax..

Oritey then time to get my proper rest and hopefully my shouder gets better

watever

Oh well it sjust another day at work today.Got crappy lunch,pay not in yet and my bossman seemed like he is having major problem with me maybe he is not happy or something oh well watever man....U are just a fucking CUNT so yupp....Well at least i feel better after ranting hahax..

Ever wondered why u out of the rest of the ppl i noe may just call me by my name....Maybe u don't mean it but it definitely rings a bell in me hahaxx.Though sometimes i question am i your boyfrend or am i just your fren.....Oh well itt doesn't really matter i still love u nonetheless..

And if u happen to read this plz dun get a freaking wrong idea k the last thing i wana gothru rite nw now is u getting the wrong idea.....Pretty plz....hehe

To you ma love with heartfelt compassion whatever feelings that i have for ya is with my esteemed purity of conscience that i love thee....

HAhax...steady ba not bad for a stupid guy like me feeeewwweeetttt

I quote

I bet today must be one of the most challenging day FA could ever faced...Got 3 b'days back to back plus 2 big groups coming in between and not forgetting the tiny meeney bookings that we had.And guess what its all happening at the kids course today....

My quote for the day is "When i'm not what i am,i become what i might be!!!"
To think of it its quite true that i managed to handle everything smoothly and thank god i got gd ppl werking under me today hahax....I planned every move and every request that the clients ask i managed to fullfill it....

Everyone is scared of today though....But i managedto pull it thru yippee.....I guess its true what others say bout me i just don't know how to give up and quit when i'm doing ma work plus at certain point i could be a perfectionist.....

The best reward today was a parent comes up to me at the end of the day to say a simple thank you and said that i changed their entire mindset.Basically i made an impact to them bout FA and that i managed to turn the table around when the they themselves knew that its gonna be super difficult....At the end of the day everyone had fun both staff and clients....Its a gd day!!!

Well it's just a simple managing that requires loads of proper planing and to be smart to play with timing on ma part and the credit just does not go to me it also goes to those wrking with me for listening to every command that i gave...Thanx alot guys without u guys i could not have done it alone either.....

When i'm not what i am,i become what i might be!!!!

Never Back Dwn

Haiz...what a day....Its like bloody Monday and i'm working!!!Damn....
Got this tree protection that i need to build for the new tentage at FA.Its thundery plus lightning all over lar......Argh!!! How the fuck am i gonna clear my work for today thats what keep on goin into ma mind the entire day.....I keep on going in and out of the office to take charge and recharged the battery for the grinder so that i could at least do part of the job on the terrace area hahax...It's just me i guess??I just don't know how to give up..hehe!!!

By late evening the rain finally subside so i went out to fix the entire 6 fucking trees on ma own...All in all i managed to complete at dusk...wooohoooo!!!What arelieved one thing done....A job for 3 person to work on i do it all by maself the since of accomplishment was tremendous....At least tomorrow i can concentrate on other stuff.....Its true that maybe i should get more pay coz of the effort that i hv put in but at the moment i just wanna do things one at a time and hopefully just hopefullly they appreciate it.

Injured ma hand lar ...Bloody hell the stupid tree protection just decide to drop on me and now my hands are swollen...What the fuck!!!! oh well it comes with the job hehe....

Damn i miss u but i'm just gonna chill for now coz u are having ur exams and all...Plz don't take me for granted coz i really do care for u k....

One day dunzzzz another to go and i'm goin climbing tomorrow evening woohoo...Can't wait for it Hahaxxx...
All in all its a gd day

Bintan

It was great to be back doin camps,coordinating and stuff hahax...The feeling and satisfaction that i received was priceless...

Day 1:I was at Bintan a day before need to settle sum administrative stuff so that the hotel can be prepared and know what they are facing(Agro Bintan Resort).The staffs at the hotel are very helpfull and very accomodating to all the request and requirement that i needed for that i'm thankful.I even change their entire lay-out of the kelong lar hahax...

It began super early for me.Waking up at 530 then rush dwn to rig the coconut tree,8 trees to be exact hahax then rush to the ferry terminal to received the guys...It was ok i guess.The 1st two sets of activity was coconut tree/teambonding and dragon boating..The Teacher decided to cancel the night activity due to the students bein tired and all of course with these it also means theres a lot of feedback that me and ma buddy Rin have to act upon....After the nite debrief with the trainers they finally got an idea of how things shud be done....Thank God they are very obedient hehe!!

Day 2:We start the day early and the two major activity was trekking up Gunung Bintan And Charcoal+mangrove reforrestation.The plan was me and MongKong would be at the mountain while Rin,Mr&Mrs LAw would be at charcoal+MAngrove.The start of the day was kindda rushing due to travelling from one place to the other at the mountain i was doin mobile job running up and dwn helping the kids,teachers plus some of the trainers it was fun until the second batch of kids arrived earlier while the 1st batch is still up at the peak so i let MongKong handle the 1st batch while i ran down to received the second batch.....

One of the kids got major heart problem that requred her to be evacuated down to the start point to let doctors to examine her so yupp i send her down without knowing that MongKong had already left with the 1st batch to head to MAngrove.I was handling the entire situation plus taking care of the 2nd batch all by myself rar.....what the fuck is he thinking!!oh well but everything went smoothly.All in all i went up and down the mountain 4 times..Bloody tiring lar...

By the time we reached the hotel it was already eveing so as usual i gave the next set of instructions to the kids and trainers.After the kids left i heard one of the trainers made a remarked that i don't really care bout the kids well being...HAizz it just blow me away that i even use the F language on the trainer...Well he get the msg alrite!!!

When all the groups are back i decided to create a spark to make sure the trainers dun start to idle and guess what it works!!!woohooo.....the bbq dinner after that was superb and the campfire was a blast...Even the techer enjoyed it...

Day 3:It was all about packing up and goin back home

The teachers are very appreciative and thank to my buddy Rin bein by ma side to give the supprt it all went well in fact the trainers got a bonus pay at the end of the camp....
The preparation and all the hard work have not gone to waste.....woots

Hope to do it again soon hahax anyway it just keep me current and that to let me stay awake and not waste all the knowledge and experienced that i have its always good to share,learn and have fun while at werk hahax

Pouring

It's been raining this past couple of days and as usual im in and out of the rain most of the time thx to work..Hahax..Oh well!! It'sjust part of the job that iv'e to cope with.Something kept coming to my min dthough how busy and hectic my day was.And that thing is you hmm...

Don't give up on me k ma love i may be super busy these couple of days and that i'm gonna leave you here while i went off to Bintan to do work...I will come back for you no matter how far ive gone or how difficult it seemed to be, as long as you remained true(feelings)..

I may not bethe best man on earth or the cutest but acknowledge this when i say I Will Not Fail in this r/s...To me you are the pillar whereby without you i will crumble.....Independant,strong headed as i am theres still some weakness in me that i have come to realised when a year plus have past into this r/s....

I thank you for your patience,love,endurance and tolerance in this r/s really appreciate.

I'm goin away for a short while this time but the next time i may be gone for a longer period of time plz wait and don't you die on me(feelings).

Hmms... emo it may seemed and i know that i'm talking to maself but this is sumthing that i neva want to foreget and that is i truely love you...

Hope this r/s last a lifetime.......HAhax

Pouring

Patience

Haiz......Been super bz with work plus the sideline job,when u think thats everything gonna be fine it just get busier each time hahx....Oh well!! Thats life beb?

I beleive its about time to rethink bout my future and plan ahead wat isit i wanna do in the years to come....Need to be disciplined plus start savings big time been spending too much so its time to keep for future use though i have no idea y im doin so it's always gd to prepare for rainy day..

The source of my strenght always comes from u and thats superb though i know that most of the time it's just me hehe....We have been spending gd quality time we have though hw limited it could be at times...we are both bz but i believe wat keeps us strong is the knowledge and the know how each other behave and feel...

Well,inthe weeks to come i'm just gonna get super bz,tons of things to clear at FA and got upcoming camps to clear hahax....Hopefully SI is not making use of me while they get all the credit,I've been sharing too much and being too nice to ppl that sometimes they just take advantage of me and that sucks....

FA hmms....got no idea whats in it for me i'm now more of a follower then being a leader that i should be....Oh well its juz some shitty things that keeps on happening there hopefully i would juz pass by.

IRATA thats something that i'm gona take early next yr for sure...From there then i shall plan ahead again waahaha.....
May FA recognised and acknowledge the hard earn job that ive done for them....

Hmmss.....gonna chill now and take things one at time for the time being...
Love Ma GAl
Cherished and treasure her.
Care for my little devil (Ilham)
Be independant and i will pass thru this CONFIRMED...
Cheers..

Not As Bad

The start of the day wasn't that gd,gotta send the elderly to the clinic due to sum unforesee cicumstances.....then hit by the bomb!!!!HAiz.....What to do just got to deal with it for that moment.....Have to just stay calm and do the right thing and priotise was very important to settle the problem at hand....

U appeared?Like a blessing in disguised,u help me thru my difficult time once again.I really appreciate what is being done and i thank you with all ma heart and soul.

Thank you so much u made it all better and i hope we spend more time together even though just like tonite it makes it so worthwhile....Hmmsss......

Love u always
Muacks

Goin Climbing

Woohoo

I goin for ma climb again today hahax...Notin unusual it's just the wonderfull feeling that get you excited bout before you go out.You pack all your gears the day before double,triple check your equipments to make sure you don't miss anything hahax....You try and see which one of your super big bag is suitable and comfortable for you to use plus you don't fucking care what the world is gonna think of you hahax.

Whats more interesting is to know that your other half is ok with whatever you are doin and she is supportive bout it...It just makes the feeling ONE notch higher waahaha...Get to spend time with you y'day,though nothing much happen but its like super cool lar.....It's always good to keep things simple,tight and tidy...Things will turn out well...

Hmms......i ma still on ma bed though now hahx....Just taking ma time to get up from ma bed hee...

Shower,get dressed then Dairy Farm here i come

It's just me

Haiz....

Been trying to be a fucking nice guy but sometimes it just seemed to hard.I am an outdoor person but i do have feelings too u know...There are times that i just wanna spend it with you? There are times that i need to be alone?Well...the worst is when you expect somebody to understand you fully...now that sucks!!! Hahax....

No one can trully understand how u feel or how you behave,it's just a cycle of ups and downs plus you just got to deal with it...hehe!!!

Remain calm,stay composed is what i've been doing through out,though it can be so bloody difficult sometimes...Fuck!!Oh well shit happens and you just got to deal with it one at a time...

As for YOU plz DUN FUCKING TAKE ME FOR GRANTED caused not everytime a person can stay calm....LIke the sea its not always calm there's bound to be high tsunamis at times it's just a matter of how you deal with it.

"Whatever doesn't kills u,it makes you stronger" the saying goes and i'm holding strongly to it at the moment.May this fucking storm pass and let there be magnificant light after it...

It hurts when you say your freinds comes 1st,then what am i to you...Fucking hell a bloody spare part....oh well i understand school is important but you just don't fucking care bout hw i feel do you or you just got no fucking idea...

Hahax its ok only time will tell....Hahax if YOU do read this then my advice is do not take it to heart....

P/s:I tried to plan something for your b'day but you are gona be bloody bz.....
oh well shit happens

Hmms wad a day...Been in ma room the entire morning got notin better to do...Haiz!!!Lol

Oh well though it seems that you are forever bz nw all i cn do is juz understand and hopefully your feelings doesn't change...You know something you can be super confused bout ur own feelings sumtimes and bein a Man in ur life i keep on trying to make u understand wats goin on hahax....Make sense?Shud be lar huh!...Well!!! thats the way its gona be for now.

You are special to me and knowing the fact that you prioritise your frens more then me doesn't hurt my ego that doesn't mean u can take me for granted and u better not...

It may seemed like i'm the only into this rite nw but i do know and realised that u are part of it as much as i am.We are juz 2 weird creatures who doesn't know en to feel and wen not to haha....

Oh well??? Realy appreciate u cumin dwn y'day evening even though hw much u yearn to be with your frens...Thank you so much

About today hmm.....that wud be a differnt story,i duno we shall see hw...

Time for ma fovourite part in ma life CLIMBING yippee

Hari Raya

Hari Raya Puasa

Hmms......to most people its a grt day where they forgive and forget,day to ask for asking for forgiveness and make amends,to meet old and new frens,to remember those who are lost or found....Haiz...

I haven't been celebrating it for the last 8yrs,its like bein left all alone with in the world.Everytime i wana treasure the day,the moment,shit happens.

I so wana spend it with you but i understand that you are bz so yupp...All i can do is be patient and contempted that u still acknowledge my existence.....

Hahax as bad as it may sound i'm still so much in love with you hope you realised it.To all that is celebrating the joyous day cherished it while it last....

It's juz ma life,ma Hari Raya