Aloha..........

Just come back from the hospital and if u are wondering why?
It's because of the of the bleeding....Though I'm immune to the pain but the fact is internal bleeding is not to be toyed with.....

Reflections after reflections had been done and I've come to a realization.

I'm never gonna take back whatever that is written or said caused I meant every single one of them....2009 was full of ups and downs,an experienced like no other.Start the year being left all alone when u went away for a holliday.Was left alone again in the cell fighting against all odds.Was alone again when I know ur feeling have drifted away time and again.When u don't even wanna see,meet me.Alone again going thru the turmoil of seeing my mother,colleague had a brush against death...Last and not least,being alone drenched wet waiting for u,for ur birthday.

I know our standards differ greatly.U are well to do.Whereby I'm just a peasant.Making ends meets.I cannot give u that luxurious wedding that u dream off.I can never compete with u/ur family.

Irony isn't it when suddenly is these modern world such primitive thinking still exist,in these modern world a mother would disown her own child just because she is dating a guy of a different race.An alien.....a sub-species....
It could be a pure reason or maybe I'm just unqualified at all....

I have always been a fighter.Not a royalty of any kind.Being there for everyone except for myself.I thought I will never learn to respect love again but I was wrong i fell deeper than before.and now I know it meant nothing at all.Nothing...........

I've spent 3yrs serving u,ur highness hope it was worth it......

My only love sprung from my only hate,too early seen unknown when known too late(my only hate is love)
Now just like any fighter I'm useless because I'm injured,ain't not gonna bother whatever the doctor say,he ain't no god,I'm goin to push thru this limits.....These challenge I just don't FUCKING care,give me my ale and i shall go to that godforsaken place.....

With these words i end my entry...................................................

avatar

When i thought that I could come thru,I just gotta bump into u..........
Drinking is my only way to hide/run though it bleeds more then before....

Avatar
An alien species fell in love with humans and no matter what happens they still push thru it....
They learn from each other.....What began as impossible to be,they prove it all wrong....
Though he was the hero but she is definitely the pillar.....
She stood up for him,guide him the way,show him what it meant.......
It meant to all,It meant a whole lot to him......
Though he comes close to death a million times but she is there,....always.....

Back to reality, I'm still sober and I've decided it's up 2 me to make u hate me now.....
The more u hate the better it's gonna be....
I know u can never forget.....
I know I can never walk with my head held high....

The more i bleed.the more pain i gather the better,forget bout all the medicine,technology and science caused the pain inside is purely unbearable....
Committing Suicide I tried,trust me I trully did....but I hold on to my very last promise and that is I won't...so yupp.....
Let me be,let me go away from these place...somehow,somewhere i can still feel u inside me,loving/caring for me but ur answer won't change so let it be....
So much have been done,so much effort and love,and the very word love i hate now....

It doesn't mean a thing to u now so yupp...........
There is no answers................
Let it be..............
Let it flow,let it flow.....

To Sujata ur guesses are true I am having internal bleeding now....
But it does not hurt as much as to what i am feeling now....
Let me enjoy the liquor and alcohol now k.....
And for sure I am goin away,please help me look after her....
Let no one ever bully her aite.....

Thank you

The more i tried to hide/run the more it shows.....
The more I drink,the more sober it gets.....
Chivas have really been a gd fren rite now,though I'm beginning to bleed from inside out i think that shud be fine to my own believe/thoughts. Though i noe that in every logical sense tells me that it's wrong waahaha.....
Better off this way...No one can understand,none can comprehend.Let it be....Let me be......
Let all the blood be drained out,let it hurt,caused I'm so immune to pain now so yupp............

Best fren

My best frend would be Chivas Regal the longer it is the better,smooth to the throat and vicious to the liver waahaha,...........Enjoying every moment of it hahax...wateva it it it beads crying hands dwn woohoo!!!

U went away???

It's hard,very hard and extremely hard bout what i feel right now.....

Yes,I do acknowledge the fact that I did it to you 1st for being MIA and all.And I've explain a million times.Though it does not make it any better but the trufth more often than not....HURTS!!!
Instead of being understanding and a pillar u take it as if I don't fucking care and the trufth to that,is that,I do......I really do.

Every year I have to go through this out of mind situation....And NO I'm not blaming you it's just a matter of facts and intellectual of how a person perceive or think things through...

No msg,calls or even a simple email..........Maybe u just don't care any more....Oh well!!! Who am I to blame or judge I have not been an exact role model to begin with.....

So wherever you are,what ever is that you are up to, just know this I do care and I am fucking missing you plus I'm suffering due to the absence......The only light I'm looking forward to now is just that bright star...................

Monster?\/Demon

The urge?
The crave?
Humanity gone wild???
What the fuck is happening..........If i don't stop these all I know that it's gonna be worse than before.....Argh!!! Been laying low for a long time now but now it's been triggered again.....rar.
Have i fallen deeply in love that when it hurts it turns me inside out,is it the life experienced of seeing someone close to me go /drifted away angers me or is it because of the near misses with death again that makes me this way.....

It's like not having the sense of touch to feel,no sense of taste other than bitterness,no sight to see the light,no smell other then blood and last but not least no heart to LOVE......

Night have become day to me.........
And the interesting part of it all I tend to think,do things better in the night.........

Have I lost my way,is it just a dream......Part of me wish that it is but I know for a fact that it is not......

Everything that I try to do good, will end up the opposite.....argh!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me.......Help a friend who got injured badly,help my own fucking mother but the effect of it???
My own love hated me,I'm on the brink of losing my job the very bloody motherfucking job that I've put 2yrs of undying commitment.........

I tried to be there for your special day,did a magnificent sand wording sculpture of your name and mother nature tore it apart thanks to the rain and the beach.......Though I stupidly enough stand in the pouring rain drench wet and cold to the bone and with fullest passion to get it done and when it's done I brainlessly again tried to call you though I know that you won't be there to answer it......

What is fucking wrong with me......Am I human???
Heart beating but there's no love....
Eyes looking but cannot see....
RAR!!!

The best thing of all, afterall the fucking shit, u came back and tell me u want to end it???
What the fuck.
Enough is enough don't ever even think that i was part of your life,treat that i never existed...
After 3yrs it all meant nothing at all to you.....

Life sucks,maybe there's a better place to be.... FUCK OFF SINGAPORE.....
FUCK OFF TO LIFE!!!
ALASKA............

Thank you

Just feeling alil me!!!

Is there a heart still in there?
Is it lost,gone forever?
Where have it gone 2?

Hmm....Seriously I have no idea.It's like i have stop to feel.It's like I have lost my humanity,sanity or care and compassion towards life itself.I'm not hiding from anything and though I know i have proven myself time and again to be better then before it just never seemed enough....

What is enough?

Should just stop thinking but if I do that doesn't that mean it's no differeent then being an animal,creature,MONSTER who only feeds on gut instinct and survival skills.

Questions and quest keeps on pounding like there's no tomorrow haix...........
Time to move on and go ahead with the day.Hope it's a better challenging day today....

No scared! No scared!
Or should I be?
Could I be?
Answer to that.......????

Been there for everyone else other then myself.
Been a so called fighter for everybody,helping,nurturing,giving advice,listening........
At the end of the day I am left all alone.....
Where is the warmth of a promised love...
Where is the good when all that is done is not appreciated or recognized....
What the fuck is going on...........

Left alone,being lonely
It's just me myself and I
None could fully understand.....None could fully feel.....
Maybe it's really that tough or maybe we are all blind..............

Time will tell.....Time will heal.....
Time is what we got to make the best out of it.

As much as I don't wanna get involved with my family matter I somehow or rather would just lend out a helping hand haiz........I think it's just me or maybe I'm just being a nice guy,afterall family are family,blood is always thiker then water....Though I find that they could be so super stupid most the times but that's just th way they are and hopefully eventually they would learn from it.

As for my long winding journey to self realisation and reflection I basically know what i want and what i needed now....And with luck or pure hardship i believe I am now on the way to recovery woohoo!!! May nothing else comes up to disrupt my plans for the coming year,hahax..........

Planing is done!!!
Action's are coming!!!
Goals being set!!!
May 2010 be better then good and greater then great........

I am the way I am.
No one can understand me better then myself.
The needs and wants,the crave,the hate and all the deep thoughts that I have it's all within me.
The desire to keep on learning and get things done the proper way.

The feelings that i have in me haiz............

Completed one major job.....
Mummy dearest? MIA!!!
Haix what a fucking interesting life I lead....
Dearest life what the fuck am I supposed to do.I managed to make almost everyone happy!!!
But what about me?
What about love?
Duno no clue may not have the answer or maybe the answer u got is wrong.....
Life goes on and only time will tell........

NewMooon the movie I so wanna watch with u!!!!!!!
RAR

Just Me!!!

Have been working super hard lately...
Got no time for myself to entertain,so....

Here it goes.
Work is like killing me slowly and painfully.Maybe I'm getting old or maybe the passion and desire I used to have is dying off.Nothing seems to be enough though I love pushing thru the boundaries and face all the challenges of life head on,I am still after all just humans.bound to make mistake along the way.I tripped and fall many times and I would eventually get up and move on.Though each lesson learn makes me stronger and bolder.There is still an emptiness inside me....
I seriously wonder why???
To some I maybe knowledgeable to others I'm just being cocky and to myself I'm just being me so yupp.
Though I have no clue as to why I'm recording these now.I am sure that one day when i read thru this it will make me realize something or if not just makes me smile....
hahax.....

Being a gd brother?
Achieved.
Being a gd son?
Done....
Being a gd worker?
Exemplary.

Being a wonderful bf?
???
I have been pre occupied or tied down with too many things that i feel I have left my lovely gal out.
I have no fucking idea weather or not she would understand it.Hmm....... But what I really need right now is her....
Will she be there for me???
Will she stick around ???
I can only hope and pray......

Going Crazy

It's been a super long week argh!!!
My body aches!!!
My mind - Blank!!!
My mummy is in the hospital fighting for her dear life and there is nothing I can do about it.The injury that I've sustain during e rescue still hurts,the fucking disgusting blood that comes out of my mouth from to time to time at night just makes me feel miserable.
At these moment in time I don't want to see anyone at all.The reason.........I don't need sympathy,I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.....Shit happens and life goes on.........Everytime when things are looking up it just have to come tumbling back down.....
And each time ifall its gets greater than before.....
Now i managed to clear most of my finance and I'm still due to for my stupid FINE!!! rar!!!argh!!!
$300 is the damaged and I have no freaking Idea where to get it and from where....Maybe money will come down from the sky,worst of the worst case scenerio shall let the goveernment come down on me so yupp

To you my love ones,I Know u may not understand me or more like u think i don't understand u enough....Try to think out of the box and try to feel maybe that might help...To be exact one of my rib cage,fractured...........

Keep what u earn!!!

Keep what u earn?
What the fuck everything that i earn now is use for the never ending fucking bills....
Plan as much as I can at the end of the fucking day it all goes to bills and more fucking bills,Its mid-month and I'm left with fucking $20???
Isn' t it just great to know that all ur paper just go to the fucking government....
Don't think anyone can understand my shitty situation.....
My pay was heavily subsidised due to the fucking court case which I have no fucking idea what is to happen next....The court case,not closed! My fucking Lawyer is fucking MIA....
Fuck it I'm just gonna do what I've planned and follow the flow and see where it leads me to.....

Whatever that does not kills u makes u stronger!!!
Challenges makes u think hard,real hard!!!

Face it with all ur might at the end of the day fate decides for u.....so yupp.

Have had the most wonderful things happening to me when I'm with u...
I'm so fucking sure about one thing though I will not ask for anything from u even if kills me.
LOving u always......
Me.

Regroup

It's time to regroup,re-plan and do the things proper.
Had enough of this fucking miserable life!!! Whatever that have already been planned it's time for me to put it into actions...will take all the little steps need to get the big picture done.

Finance is fucking terribly wrong for me.I am so fucking sure to bounce back from the shit hole that I've been thrown into....Yupp I maybe fucking dirty and filthy not to mention pathetic.
No one got the fucking rite to judge or say what I'm doing is wrong..

I've always been like a candle to everyone especially my own DAMN family,giving them light to guide their way,enough warmth to keep them warm when they are cold but the fucking facts is I'm the fucking one who get burnt and melted away and being ignored left to dry and harden so that I could just be scraped off to dust and thrown away.

Though it's the festive season now,time for forgiveness and be merry..........
There's this big lump in my heart...The meaning of Hari Raya has just gone down the drain for me caused there is no point celebrating it.I am now left cold alone in the fucking coldest region in the world...

Hari Raya I am so fucking gonna disappeared as far as i could caused it's not meant for me.........
Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace

Hmm.....It's been along tiring journey. 1 after the other,though every lesson learnt make u grew stronger and mature there a flip-side to it too....U tend to understand so much more and at times it just come to a point where u just can't be bothered....

Do i really mean something to you??? hmmm...... Bet u can't even answer that.

Well it's a simple life treasure it and hopefully one day u are RECOGNIZED.Though I may be a nobody I do have feelings....(woah what an expensive toy,good job well done,you are so pretty).Thats what they all say but what goes inside and out plus the things that comes with it only i feel it.....

At time it can be so frustrating and irritating though i understand the circumstances.There is always a part of me that wanted to SCREAM out loud.Only god knows.Patience is virture and a peacefull mind comes with and open heart so here it goes............................

just oneof those random nites again..........Maybe,should,could it be.....Haix.........

Simplicity is the best policy!!!

That's how i feel at the current state of mind....
Loads have been goin thru...
Loads have been absorbed.....
Headaches comes and gone.....

So its time to play it SMART....
S - specific(what's the goal)
M - Measurable (is it enough)
A - action done/taken
R - realistic (can u achieve it/confidence)
T - Time (U can't take forever)

Though i hate what i feel and think at the moment but I'm just gona let nature take its course and hopefully u will realise if not then show me the way........

Home???

Is it really a home/shelter,
A heavenly place that I wanna look forward to at the end of the day after a super long tiring day,hmmm..........
HAix.....
At the moment i just feel that I'm just a guy who is renting a room.
I believe it could just be my stepmom.Though as hard as I've trie to respect her as the my father's queen she just does not deserve it.All she cared bout is to her own benefits.Other then bout her own son.I've got nothing against that lil guy though it's just her.Every lil thing that she does is just for her own sake.How selfish and plastic can one be....U have no fucking idea and I have felt it for the longest time and now it seemed that whatever my prediction is coming true....

What the heck!!!Hopefully my dad realise it too though I know how godly patient he can be...And there are also a slight possibility that he is part of it too.....Well whatever it is he sure does have my respect bcoz....just becoz.

Come home no food most of the time.If there is she would hide it away.She would spend unnecessarily whenever she got the opportunity to...
Since she can barely get anything out from me,now she is playing the game of finishing at home to make it look so desperate that i got no other choice but to use what lil $$$ I have so that the family can survived meaning at least there is food for them to eat.(pathetic games that she is playing....Motherfucking cunt)

Oh well whatever that doesn't kills you make u grew stronger that is what I believe for myself hahax...........

Just finish Naruto-ing waahaha...
Oh well what an interesting life i lead....hahax.
At least I'm not complaining,managed to clear tons of stuff y'day and it's my fucking off day again hahax...Wonder what I will be doing 2day??? Hmmm......
I may have a meeting later and i may decide to go Safra to meet the brothers hmmm....Not sure bout that hahax...O
Ouh wel just take 1 thing at a timeand shall see where it leads 2.......

Try as I might but ppl arnd me still thinks that I'm a bloody bad boy.
Oh well who cares as long as I'm true to myself and did no harm to any living things I believe I'm perfectly normal hahax...
Let others say as they want 1 thing for sure I'm just being me rather then being some faker waahaha....
Love spending time with my love ones,got plenty of work to clear and just bz Naruto-ing waahaha..
That would be all for me for this time round woohoo!!!!

Accomplished!!!

Though I'm stiil a long way to financial freedom at the moment I am happy with the things goin on arnd me...
Clear more work then usual....
Manage to spend some time with my love ones....
Able to plan and think ahead...

Though I may not be appreciated or acknowledge at the moment that is secondary so yupp..

ATTENTION???

Everyone in this world tend to be an attention seeker. It's either they demands it or if not they wished they are given the attention.

Either that they just can't be bothered with life for that period to just walk away or not or not to be bothered with their surroundings.Life itself is at attention when you wanna be recognized or to be known for?

As for me all i required right now is to be acknowledge? My love!!!
Hahax just some random thoughts that run thru my mind in the middle of the nite again and i thought it would be cool if I just type it down in my blogged.

Cock up???

Maybe I don't really know actually hahax....Whatever it is it's better then thinking out loud and not knowing what isit that you are thinking off...

oh well time to sleep gotta wake up for work 2mrw.........
Cya!!!

My love ,My life,My queen

These 3 words are the only words that binds me to sanity and life of rite path.Though no one knows where it may leads or where its heading to,it definitely keeps me on the passage of rightfulness.

All my life I've gone thru over countless battles and if I may say it's mostly victorious if not educational.So much have been thru and yet there is so much more to learn,seek and understand.....

Many have come to try and understand me and all have failed.All except one who occasionally from time to time are able to.She is some one whom i hold so dearly close to my heart.With every breathe that i take with every pump of my heart with every footsteps that i took she is there in my heart,in my mind,in my soul.

Knows it or not ?
Even if I am given none back in return it doesn't really matter caused at the end of this life,breathed that i took I've learn how to feel love.....................

Ok i have already decided now that it's gonna be no more nonsense for financial planing this month.
Damn it I fucking really hate the situation I'm fucking in this fucking shit hole.

Time to move on,get better and prove to myself again....

Went out with my love one again this afternoon though i don't really feel to well abt our first few conversation it just made me realised What a fucking loser I am,Yes!!! a fucking loser though i have lost this financial battle I definitely have gained enough experienced to know how to handle the situation if it ever arise again. And i fucking swear I am so gonna prepare myself to make sure that such fucking situation never happen to me again...

Once bitten twice shy now I am so gonna work my ass off to go back to where i used to be.I fucking understand it's gonna be tough for all this to happen this year but enough is enough and it's fucking time to get up and smell the fucking sunshine....

It's all about executing the fucking plan now...Only I can make it happen

It's a new kindda wierd feeling for me.....
Love my gf? Yes I do!!!
Miss my gf? Tremendously loads!!!

But again i don't really know how to show or let her feel it.Maybe I'm doomed for....Whatever that comes across my mind which was supposed to be convey to my gf just go thru the sms.....Argh I even mistakenly sms her in freaking malay lar....How stupid can i get...And now I bet she got doubts on me haiz............Sometimes gd intentions just get misinterpreted and it leads to another downfall...

Damn it I love my gf too much that sometimes when i have her in my mind in some other languages it just comes out by verbally if not thru writing...Is this gd or bad???
Seriously i have no ans to my own question now and that sucks.............

She have been bz and now that she is free i don't have the means to meet her.Financially broke!Got tons of work needs to clear! She is not feeling too well!!!
ARGH what the fuck is wrong with the world!!!
Why can't u just let me enjoy my time with me love ones without any hesitations or limitations argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a gd day after all..........
Hmmm..............Went to Marina Barrage for the 1st time in ma life,I have no fucking idea that Marina have change a lot lar...Bloody Hell!!! I dare say that it's definitely better then what it used to be.....Though the greenery cannot be compared to what Hortpark offer...

Spending time with ma love one is always worthwhile and not fucking waste of time....Kindda enjoyed the afternoon though i wished that you are more "manja" at times hahax.....

Life???
Financially i really don't wanna think about it coz the more i think bout it the more i can do practically nothing at this moment in time....Just need to learn to survived with what i can lor.....Coz no matter what happens I definitely need to clear all those major outstanding 1st b4 i make my own personal plans,if time/god permits then maybe just maybe i could do both at the same time if not i shall survive with the bare minimum if I can.

Oh well shit happens and life have to go on for now............................................

Wah !!!
So fucking interesting i was rushingmy work on my fucking off day!!! How cool is that?
Now that I've done it.it's my time with ma love ones........Finally..........

But got 1 slight problem though ain't got a freaking clue where to go and what to do...........Haiyo....How cock up can it gets.....ARGH!!! Please,tolong ah,somebody anybody give me an idea of what to do and where to go...........

Hmm...........

I'm just feeling alil lazy now... Trying to sleep but i can't so decided to write what's on ma mind...

• People always misinterpret what i was trying to say....It could be they fail to listen if not I just fail to use the proper sentence or words for others to understand.
• People misjudge my actions........they get the wrong idea of what I'm to do ar what I'm doing...They will only come to understand it only at a much later time when sometimes it could be too late.
• People tried to read my mind....And they always failed...Caused I'm unpredictable by nature.
• My love ones tends to understand me more if only she was able to looked close/deep enough though most of the time she just can't be bothered.
• When I'm in love I tend to give my all and ask nothing back in return which maybe my downfall....
• I can be quite emo at times i guess when i let my guard down and that sucks....
• Financially I suck due to all the unforeseeable circumstances that I've gone thru for the past months...

Oh well thats what on ma mind now and i think it kindda help to just type it and read it out loud hahaxxx

Argh!!!

As miserable as I fucking feel rite now I'm just gonna chill and take things one at a time.
Feeling alil lost?
I think maybe/should be!!!
I'm in my very low tide now and i don't really know what to do with it.Got a freaking off day tomorrow and i got no fucking plans for tonight.....
Life Sucks big time!!!
It screwed me up or was it just me who don't know how to deal with it....Maybe...
Got a fucking good idea what to do but don't really have the fucking mood to do any thing at the moment....Friends i got plenty but none can help me now coz only I myself can bring me up at the moment and no point trying to talk sense to me coz I won't listen haiz..........
Ma love where are you???
Hmm...................
Now thats like super random hahax....
Oh well just gonna listen to good music and maybe go and cycle my nite out..........Shall see how ltr k

oh well no matter how difficult life turns out to be u just got to bounce back to it.........

It may seemed the world is coming into you and that paradise maybe so far out of reach, if u just remain positive it might turn out well at the end......

Chill babe take things one at a time and go slow with the flow u may never know what u may end up with at the end of it....

Be fair...
Be true...
Be faithful and courageous...

You end up somewhere,
If not,
You die trying.....
With all the equations in the world it will add up to purpose, accomplishment and satisfaction.....

Darling I know you know this......I MISS YOU

Escape

I want to run!!!
Bring me away!!!
Hide me from all this fucking shit!!!
Wad the fuck is wrong with me!!!

I know for a fact i shudn't be thinking this way but life at home,work and relationship just feel damn sucky at the moment....Only got me,myself and I all alone ARGH motherfucking-cunt-ass wiping pigeon fuck shit ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Home all they fucking care about is to ask for $$.What they think money drop from the fucking sky is it!!!All they ever fucking worried bout is for their own fucking self.Cannot blame my dad caused he is trapped in between me and and his fucking cunt(wife).And i know myself better i will never ever put him in a situation whereby he needs to choose i would just walk away,Run away from home hmmm..............should I?I know i can survived on my own but what about dad and my little sweet ass brother haiz...........

Work as usual i got a fucking cunt Zana who even if she was about to die along the way i will not fucking bother in fact if she is hi by a fucking truck and if I'm there to witness it I will go to her and whacked her fucking face so hard that she will die from internal bleeding and that she would 4get to even fucking spell her own fucking name......Datelines and more datelines are coming my way should i just hide from it,the fact is i can't,not unless i quit and knowing me thats the last thing i would ever do........(Surrender........)

My love ones is away on her FOOT program hmmm............Damn I MISS U SO FUCKING LOADS of well just wishing u all the best in whatever u do.............

Though it feels so gd to fucking rant the problems are REAL and i still gotta deal with it haiz.......... What a fucking miserable life it is for me now I am so fucking sure ain't not gonna let this ever happen again...Time to deal with one thing at a time planned ahead and just fucking do it.With alil luck and faith I'm sure gonna pull thru.........

What a fucking boring nite...
Haiz...yup if u guess it right it needs to happen when my love ones are not around.
Been lazing in bed almost the entire evening lar feel like a fucking pig hahax...I only managed to do 1 wasted productive trip down to the shop at 930pm. Oh well my guess is its justjust me and my boring life for 2nite til i make sumtin out of it hahax.....
So yupp fucking bored to death tryied rotting/decomposing and it feels like shit.
Bet 2mrw wud be a better day hahax jsut need to pull myself together to do stuffs....What stuffs i will only find out by 2mrw.Just goin with the flow for now.

Whoa!!!

I'm becoming more of a nite creature now/Nocturnal.It's like 4am now and i still can't get to sleep..
Hmmm........I really starting to wonder why?

It could be a good thing or.....oh well you know whats the opposite.

Good

• it keeps my mind fresh and awake.
• I get to blogged.
• to do proper planing.
• i get more then enough rest then needed.
• It's like a cure to my skin sensitivity.

Bad

• Tend to miss some of my meals.
• Tend to spend less time in the day.
• Sometimes i do get a bad headache.
• I still need to work.

Oh well my guess is is this is just temporary since i only have this super long weekend off once in a very long while,though it's kinda refreshing i feel so bloody weird lar coz i did not get to spend it with my love one.

As for the one that i love haiz....she is very occupied now!!!

I know who I love and who i care most.
Do you?

People change and most of the time they failed to realized it.They do not cherished those moment they had and tend to forget about the 1 who truly loves them....Stupid Dumb fuck!!!

I maybe heartless and seemed as if i don't care.But the trufth is I'm still fucking human though i seriously question y i have a fucking heart thats pumping and emotions to feel.Said this a couple of times I am so fucking determined to change my fucking miserable life.I really fucking hate it.

Work can never be done and thats the freaking truth about fucking life.Oh well shit happens and life goes on.

Aiyoh my gf is like super bz can....And it's worse for me coz i need to hear her RANT hahax.....(It's ok though)

Work have not get any better though i managed to clear most of ma stuff i still gotta report like super early to set-up for the day ARGH!!! Oh well its just work after all hehe,,,

My finance is getting from bad to worse hopefully the downturn wud turn to an upturn soon....Coz i cannot go on like this....This is not the way i want it to be plus I've been cutting out cost BIG TIME!
Haiz... just hope it gets better really soon..It all started from JB fucking hell of well if only the government know exactly what the fuck they are doing....Thank God SG is so proper,love my country big time beb.....

Now i got this stupid skin reaction on me and for awhile it seems to be getting better till i scratched it (stupid me) Haiz....hope it gets well soon coz i definitely find it disturbing to look at it......Oh well time for a nap b4 my love ones decide to kol hahax........

After a long week of hard werk its good to just whine dwn and just chill at home....E nite was ok spending it with ma love ones,woke late the next day and then just laze arnd hahax....

Life could never feel more simplified hehe.....

Though i know i got tons of werk to clear and other commitments to think of it just feel so gd rite nw to just dun do anything nw....I'm watching Chocolate now if that helps hahax....Oh well i seemed to be in a very much gd mood now so yupp I'm gona just savor the moment....

Maybe i might go out for awhile to meet up with the boys at cb hmm..........Not too sure abt that though.....Oritey then time to get bk to my show then

Chiao

It's an interesting week...

Guess I'm back to normal now...Managed to werk out loads of stuff with regards to werk....I think I'm more of a ppl person now and i pretty much know how to handle ppl better...Let it be both customer or ppl who are werking under me....I have my own style of doin things which differ greatly from the other full-timer...I tend to undstand better and realise what is the problem that the staff are facing....

Though I have a day of off center emtionally with my gf,i think and believe she understands what I've been going thru....Now the pictures are getting clearer hope i can find the solutions soon....Like the saying goes after a heavy storm theres always a rainbow with pot of gold awaits....

Near death experience is gettin more and more often in my life now.Just need to stay vigilant...Know the surroundings trust ur unstinct and experience to guide u thru this difficult times...With luck it may lead u somewhere if not there always a valuable lesson to be learnt.....

Random??? Maybe
Trufth??? who knows???
Cheers

Woah!!!
I just woke up and I'm feeling kindda tired still hahax....It's been too fucking long since i wake up tis late....Been bz with werk lar...Bz doin sum other shit loads of stuff...Haix...

It is my off day today and I'm contemplating wether or not to go bk to werk...Got Inventory stcktake dateline next week.....ARGH!!!! Kill me!!!Got to do a gd job and I simply duno how to fail rar!!!!!
Help?Tolong? Hahax....

My gf is also super bz with her never ending projects...Haix........
What to do life is full of things to do,goals to achieve and now tt she have a nw toy hmm...............

Oh well life goes on.....
There shits to clear.....
Rubbish to throw....
Things to keep....
Magnicentthings to explore....
The sky is not enuf....
The universe is the playground......
Life to maintained.....

I'm so fucking lazy rite now tt I'm just not gona do anything other then rot at home waahahaha
Maybe just maybe o shud catch TrANSFORMER its out lar wooohooooooooooooo

Time to take alil break from my ever bz world hahax.....

2days off back to back im so looking forward to it after a long week,June is like madness gt many ppl booked on he course gt to many request thats not helping me and to top it up i still got maintenance to clear plus inventory stock take due by July haiyo......Oh well its just werk thoguh i am taking it seriously at the moment things are looking great coz i manage to settle some of it ler hahax.....

My gf is back woohoo.....shall let her rest now and im prepared with dozens of dvds for me to watch to keep me occupy till she is ready for me hahaxx.....Bet she gona get bz with her stuf as long as i managed to tok to her for even the shortes time i feel fulfilled hehe.....

Gona go for my dinner then shower then movie time til my gf kol me.....(I really wonder how cum my stepmom can literally shower for the whole 1hr aiyoh!!!)

Oh well i seemed tobe in a gd mood not to say that i have a mood personality tobegin with hahax...Heartless creature thats what my gf kol's me bleck???

Time to just sit back and chill at home for tonite waahaha.....

Werk have become a demoralizing factor in ma life at least for now....Haix....What to do its just one of those phases of werking life i guess??? It just keep on piling up thoguh i tried to make out the best of the limited time i have it just doesn't seem enough...Oh well shit happens and u just gotta move on i guess hahaxxx....1 thing for sure though im just gonna take up the challenge and do it rite waahahahaha......

My rash on my hands are getting worse by the day,what the fuck? it's as if it's growing and it's definittely UGLY!!!

As for my gf.Hmm....dunolei she have not been msging me...Gueass there's no reception in that mountain that she goes too....Hopefully she's doin well and may god forbid anitin to happen to her....Life is kindda quiet without her now....Damn I MISS U GAL....oh well just hope and prayed nothing happen to her and that she comes back to me in one piece...(Physically,emotionally and mentally)...

It sucks when u are in love hahax....Nah.........It's actually a wonderful feeling that goes beyond words to describe it.....Love u ma love MUACKZZZ(yah....rite as if u are gona read this blog....waahahahaha)

Life goes on,u grow mature,learn-unlearn and relearn

I'm bored hahax....
Its my fucking off day...
I duno wher to go or wat to do...
My gf not in twn....
My frens duno wher they are now...
Wana watch tv but feel that it s wasting my Sunday off..
Oh well im just bored and lost today.....
ARGH!!!
I'm just gona follow the flow and see wher it wud lead me hahaxxx
Stop planing just enjoy the ride woohoo

Hello Sunshine

After a whole lot of ranting and fucking i finally feel relax...And the best part of it all is that i managed to clear most of the stuff in the shortest time poosible....Hahax
Like what one of the managers say "Let Idam do his work....He knows what's wrong? what's happening?How to clear it!!! and how to settle it to the standard required....Give him the space and time and he will clear it in due time!!!!Keep nagging or telling him won't help coz it wud juz make him confused and delayed"

Well what i got to say about that sentence is WELL SAID...I'm gd the way i am it's just that being too demanding won't help me out.It wud just freak me out and make me confuse hahax....

My gf got her new car today...She decided to drive me arnd for a short while...Thank You so much ma love ireally appreciate it alot...Hmm......

Of wel time to slp now till my next entry then chiao

Challenge

Work is either gettin more challenging or it just suck big time hahax....

Haix....what to do that is part and parcel in the working environment that I am in right now.I don't know whether is it true that I'm slacking now or is it they(management staff) don't see what the fuck hell I'm goin thru...Knowing and goin thru the the action is 2 fucking big difference lar.... I know i missed my date line and it's not entirely my fucking fault if the weather are bad at times....I am trying my upmost best to clear the whole fucking work load as much as i can FUCK!!!

Now that they have a minute taste of what I'm goin thru they shift the blame of improper planing....What the mother fucking cunt if U ARE SO FUCKING GOOD THEN DO IT...WHY FUCKING COMPLAIN U MOTHER FUCKER!!!

Sorry darling i just need to rant thats all....
I am just gona take this as a challenge for me to move forward,they maybe right or wrong...And I'm not gona be the judge of that.So i will just take it in my stride and prove to them once again that i maybe right...

Oh well life goes on and it builds u inside out,move on learn the lesson and be grateful....

After a week of hard labour with minimal rest i was awarded with about a week of rest which i think its fair enuf...
In the week of rest i get to maximise the time by spending 2 full days with ma love ones at the comfort of my own home hahax...Though we did notin much i trully feel that he time was well spent a.k.a quality time hehe...then she went of for her hollidays with her frens which i think it's kindda cool hahax...At least she made the effort to kol me every nite which i really appreciate it loads....Thank you!!!

Now im back to the real world where work just keep on piling up and there seemed to be no rest or even to breathe haix.....Of well wat to do thats life and im making a gd start at the moment...Hopefully the passion and commitment that i got for FA wud last and that i will grow together with the team.....Everyone has their own responsibility and everyone have their flaws and u just got to deal with it,if not then if its notin major live it hahax....

Woohoo my gorgeous princes is cumin back to sg tonite,though the flight was delayed im ok with it just as long as she comes bk to me....I bet she got tons of story to share which is very normal hahax....Kindda miss it when u are not here ma love....As the days go by the feelings are deeper and more mutual and we tend to uds each other more now hmmm........

Ok now im tired le gona go off to bed till my next entry then hahax....

Wud U???

When his times are up....
When his days are numbered...
When most of the dreams are accomplished....
When the task are complete....

Will u remember him the nonsence guy from dwn below who brave thru his entire journey to get to a place/recognition from above....

Unpredictable is his nature.Playfull,mischievious and knowledgeable is wad he is....But wud u even care to look back....take a glimpse back at him.....?
Try to understand all that he have gone thru...?
He spent his entire life making others feel peaceful and happy....hmmm..........................................

What about wad he wants?
what about wad he needs?

Qns and more qns just keep on pilling......

Oh well its just one of those random nites....Hahax...........

Life path

Life is all about choices and which passage u wana go hmmm....

U can choose the right or left....plus center but i just come across and interesting fact...
Y choose?
Y not just go with the flow?
Y not stop and don't think to much?

Assuming right and left means the right and the wrong path...Doesn't that means centre means confused.And when u are not moving means Lost or decision making time.....Goin with the flow simply means u are just following where the waves are leading u,though u may not know how or where the flow of nature may lead u...all u could do is just prepare for the worst and enjoy the movement hahax..

Oh well its just some random thoughts that runs thru ma mind hahax..
Managed to clear tonnes of stuff today..Though I'm feeling alil stressed and shacked out....It was all good....woohoo!!!

The past 3 off days have been great.....

1. Went to a place that i never knew i would ever go....Botanical Garden!!!Can u believe it me Idam go there to walk2 hahax....i went from one end to the other lar in 1 whole freaking big loop...It was enriching and enjoyable though i was not fully prepared for the 4hr walk with no water and food at the end of it had dinner at Far East then of to Dani's place....to sleep over...I do take sum nonsensical pic though as usual....love the turtles
2. Singapore Zoo to take a look at animals and some animal show it was ok...hahax get to spend time with u and more pictures bein taken....
3. Went to Hortpark and the southern ridges loads of pics bein taken...Though it was freaking tiring it's definitely worth the super long walk up and dwn the never ending bridges...Never knew that my country have such a beautiful scenic view.....And this time i was prepared with water,singlet and shoes on waahaha....The view was breath taking though its not like super duper wow but it's enough for any nature lover out there....I even managed to learn alil bout sg history during WW2 hehe...Managed to go to the highest pt in sg too....

Next time i would add the pics but for now i'm like drained hahax....Love the walk,playful times..As the saying goes u work hard,u play hard too...

Thank you bb for being there with me really appreciate it....

Life just got lil more interesting each day this week....

Started with my elder cousins problem with ah long go to my another cousin problem falling in love with a old man to problem at werk argh!!!

Suddenly i feel like i'm the fucking counsellor/facilitator/peacekeeper lar... what the fuck!!! And to top it up there's this another fucking dumb bitch claim that i am her fucking boyfrend???
Whats wrong with these people can't they just leave me in my own fucking world so that i can fucking mind my own fucking business so that i can have proper rest/planing for my own future....

1. Elder cousin : U are old enuf to noe wats rite and wads wrong.And u got 4 kids to think off y end up in such a shitty situation when u are actually able to plan ahead...Fuck ur egoistic male chauvinist cunt machoness lar.......U are fucking 40yr old u dunid me to tell u wad to do or come to ur rescue every single time...
2. Elder cousin inlove with an old fucking dude : No one is stopping u from falling in love with anyone but y must it comes to such a drastic measure that u left ur entire family for that dude...U are oso matured,educated and wealthy enuf even to get a fucking toyboy lar....If u want to fall for that ancient man then u shudn't be rude or crude to anyone else its ur fucking life afterall haiz.....
3. Work : well done peeps u just love to put me in the position where u guys noe that u guys cannot fucking handle and just becoz i'm such a team player u let me take charge while u guys get the fame.....Wad the fuck is wrong with u ppl i am stil human i do get fucking tired motherfucker looser cunt....
4. The Bitch : who the fuck are u to claim that im ur fucking boyfrend when i don't even noe u that well....to top it up u are fucking clingy,sticky ugly ass malay cunt that i wud never even take pleasure to fuck u off....So fuck off!!! You fucking lucky that my gf have managed to instill some gd behaviour in me if not i wud definitely make sure that the dogs tEAR OUT ur fucking cunt so wide open that u will live to regret forever...

Maybe i'm just tired...Maybe i just need to rant...wadever itis at least there is a period of time whereby i enjoyed the company of my frens bein arnd me and the companion of my gf to help guide me back to the right passage for that i am thankfull....

woohooo now i can go and rest proper.....life is like a packet of mixed nuts,u may never noe what u may end up with.....hahax

It's been awhile....Quite a number of things happen and it makes me realise that we are just humans afterall....We tend to make mistakes and with age doesn't mean u are matured...

It's about how u are able to see things and think with a clear mind....Though most the time it's easier said then done....

THough life teachers you how to survived ultimately it still boils down to u how u wanna perceive or handle it when the time comes....You maybe a potential great trainer but when things happen and you panicked all the years of training would just go down the drain....And if you are too laid back when things happen others publis would say that you are not up to it!!!
Haiz........

Oh well thats the facts of life sometimes u are up and sometimes u are down hahax.........So life goes on and u move on....improve as the day passby and never forget where have u got it started from...

Wah so many things to do!!! At such a little time...What the fuck is wrong with the world today?
Oh well that is what i think anyway..Hahax.......Shit happens and u just gotta deal with it and take things slow one at a time...

"People don't plan to fail but fail to plan"

Yarr ......rite it's easier said then fucking dunlar.....Bloody hell..
Rite now i juat need to rant as much as i can so that it just don't get bottled up inside...Work as always drains me off.Not only mentally but also physically though i kindda enjoyde the shit loads that I've got to do hehe.....

Being up in the trees somehow or rather managed to bring me out of the world at times and thats cool hahax....Love what i do but hate the things I've gotta do....Make sense?
Well life is like a packet of peanuts u will never know what u may end up with in the meanwhile just grow and keep on growing and maybe just maybe u may glow someday.......Waahaha

It's weird how love unfolds itself don't u think....When u are not together the heart just grew fonder and u want to spend every little time u have with each other.....

Though tons of differences we manage to come together and fill each other's missing pieces....Well at least for me u filled me up.....No matter how tired I am and how lazy i can be,all it takes is just a simple gesture and i will be there to accept it.And i believe u would do the same for me hmmmmmm...

As time fly by u would guess that it may not happen cause u would get sick and tired of each other but the fact is that it just glued us together.
Stronger....
We maybe busy with our own responsibilities but at the end of the day we will always make the effort to communicate with each other though if it's just for 5 freaking minutes hahax....(for that thank you)

How I wish time would just come to a standstill hahax....
Emo???
Hmmm....maybe i don't know and the trufth is i don't really care hahax....
Can't wait to hear your voice and listen to you.....hehe..

Things are looking up though I'm alil skeptical or shud i say wary bout what or how things would end up hahax......Maybe life have taught me to be alil more careful...

Coz plan as much as u can but the end product will only comes when it actually end and life is a life long journey so yupp....

Though at times i maybe lost....
I may get confused....
Made a wrong decision....
Choose the wrong things...
Impulsive.....
Say things that are not meant to say.....

Oh well its just me being me waahahax......So live with it!!!!
There are times also that

I learn from it....
Make good judgement calls...
Choose wisely....
Think beyond imagination....
And say the right things at the right times

What it all proves is that I am still human waahaha

I have no fucking idea y am i writing in this blog rite now other then just to kill time anyway LOL
Oh well it must be one of the random nite whereby Idham who is me got noting better to do waahahahahahahah............

What a day it was fucking super bz today that i dun even have time to pee let alone to smoke ARGH!!!though it's fucking gd for the company but it's definitely fucking taxing on the operation...Some kids makes me smile though with their sincere smiles and gestures....Haisss.....
They just never failed to make my day better....hmmm........

To top it up when reached home my lil bro was there to greet me and being as helpful as he always have been he cheer me up and that somehow or rather just managed to recharge me a little.....

Work can never be dun or finish that's for sure but the littlest things that ppl did and how appreciative they can be would just makes ur day better hehe.....

And even though I'm like so freaking fucking tired now I am just gathering whatever strength left in me to meet u(dun get it the wrong way plz.......)I just need to let it out some where rather then bottling it up....
And having a blog happens to be one way hahaxxx.......

2day is good and believe 2mrw would be better....

Though I'm kinda tired and feeling "Sian" to go to work on my off day i think it's worth my time....At the end of the half day of work i managed to pick up a couple of new skills and knowledge with regards to the outdoors which is FUN!!!Waahaha..........
The gd news is that i maybe goin to France by Sept this year cool or what woohooo!!!Really hope it does comes true been waiting for it for quite some time now hehe,though mt heart aches with the thoughts of leaving my beloved ones but if it's for a gd course why not? Right.....Hehehe...

Simplicity is the best Policy that's what i believed for now......And never take things for granted....

Leading a life of simplicity somehow or rather would lead to peacefulness of mind...The outdoors is where i truly enjoyed and felt home....Though theres tons of stuff i still wanna learn and pick up i believe i may be able to accomplish in this lifetime....Life is to short to waste it....

Nature with all it's magnificality and destructibility is enough for you to keep on learning bout life,love and yourself.....Like the saying says or at least the way i said it

Be Jack of all trades but Master of none.....

Cheers babe til my next entry aite......

Things maybe getting better it maybe not but whatever it is I'm not gonna take any chances cause its always best to prepare for rainy days.Even if the storm have pass thru u may never know if there is a second wave or the ripple effect so yupp...hahax

life teaches u to be strong,smart and it can only get better if u realised the mistakes done and by not repeating it.....Though it's easier said then done but those who managed to learn from it grew stronger each time....And that's the way life is it's one heck of a long life-long journey....

At every junction you just got to choose where you wanna head to...By doing so you just gotta be strong and face it....Hehe this is just one of the random msgers I've got for ma self so best of luck!!!

Though lots things have been happening for the past couple of weeks,remaining calm and composed seemed to work really well for me this time round.

Maybe I'm getting mature?
Maybe I just can't be bothered?
or maybe I'm just too fucking lazy to think?

Well...whatever it is,it's working perfectly well for me rite now hehe.....

It's always best to remain true to oneself and not let others influence the way you think cause at the end of the day you are the one who's gonna face the music and bear the outcome....And that's the way life is so u gotta know when to take risk and when to do your math properly...If the sum does not come out well then u learn from it and move on....No matter how painful it might be(though it's easier said then done)

I've been going back doing some camps and programme and i really enjoyed it...It makes me fresh and the best part is it refreshers me automatically.....Get to pick up all the forgotten facilitation pointers that's not only helpful to the participants but also to myself....Self reflecting is good at times when u can think with a clear head hahax...

If u cannot change the situation then at times its best u change yourself to fit into the situation.

Restrained

It's had to change and old habit caused it's inbuilt!!!Haiz....what the fuck most of the time u would jut wanna react to "causes" immediately...

It started with a camp that they wanted me to run but I'm just so fucking lazy to really follow thru caused i know or it feels like others are taking me for granted/making use of me....Maybe it's true maybe it's not but who is there to judge so fuck it just follow the flow and let fate decides....Waahaha

The next thing that follows makes me feels confused,furious/panicked and off balance...Especially when u know your love ones are lost and the 1st instint that come to me was to leave everything behind and jump onto the next available transport or just run to the destination and give all the necessary assistance needed...I cannot sleep,eat,think or do anything proper but to know that at the end of the process the love ones learn something out of it was enough to console me.

Darn it maybe it's true sometimes i can be a perfectionist but at times you may need to let nature takes its course caused knowledge are meant to be shared and in the outdoors u have to...There are times you need to exercise your command and control and there are times that you just need humble and go back down to earth...

And that is the fact of life.....Live,love,life

Valentine Day

V Day is the day to remember??? Yupp2!!! True that especially if the string of event are impact full and life learning waahaahaha...

Part 1
Almost died the day before,bcoz for some god damn reason theres an ortistic child who suddenly pushed himself away from safety while i was directly him,coaching him...He just decided to snap at it when we were almost reaching to the platform...Fucking hell luckily I'm alert enough to react on time if not i would have end up on the ground injured/paralyse/dead...Haiz!!!

Part 2
Went home to find out i actually received my new cards a.k.a ATM,Debit and Credit cards.Though my joy was short lived after that coz the fucking bank did not mail the pin....so no pin means cards are redundant what the fuck???So i did what other smart ass guys would do kol the fucking bank...And after 2 Fucking hrs the bank told me that they cannot retrieved the pin and theres no way for to retrieved it either unless i go to the bloody bank the next day...HELLO!!! I'm leaving the very nite fucking stupid dumb ass fella....
Oh well at least by the end of the nite i managed to make it on time to meet the love of ma life,though she managed to see the surprised that I've got her as a present...

Part 3
Reach Kuantan in the wee hours of dawn.And apparently i have to give Lil help to them to organise it proper....It was manageable..
The trip up the waterfall trek was magnificent,the waterfall-Gorgeous and I'm glad i get to witness it with you hahax....With all the pleasantly we have to rush back down haiz.....

Part 4(Travel back to JB)
At JB we decided to get a room for the nite...AT fucking 2am we were disturb by the officer from religious laws of JB(motherfucker)I'm a fucking S'porean and they don't give a fuck....So being a gd Samaritan i ask for the procedure and the ass whipping pigeon motherfucker cannot answer...
Both me and ma love ones were dragged to a lock-up for a crime which doesn't even exist....So there we were spending the nites of V day in a cell..Fucking interesting rite!!!The next day i was released on bail and home sweet home it is..

One thing I've got to admit though it was a lifetime experienced to be in there to see how people react plus the massive emotions and action are.And how friendship are being forged...It's definitely not a situation you wanna go thru twice...

V day is a day to remember also because this is where our love was tested.Our love,dedication and sincerity was the proof of how strong our feelings are towards each other.It's something which i will never forget. And my love for you grew tremondously.....

Work keep on piling up like tons of rubbish being thrown everyday....Haiz what to do but u just got to keep it up so that you stay current and not left in a mess.

Oh well!!! Life goes on and you've got to live with it in other to survive....

Suddenly there's not enough time for everything....Shit what is wrong with whole fucking world can't it just chill down for awhile hahaxxx.....Well??? that's what i want anyway for now hehe....

I don't give a DAMN bout my surroundings these days....Maybe I'm just in my can't be bothered ZONE so all the peeps out there don't even fucking try!!!!Waahaha!!!

As for you my one and only treasure,treasured you've been super busy lar....ARGH!!! but it's OK i understand it so yupp...

Currently cycling,climbing and spending time with you happen to keep me more relaxed and calm which is great though i hope to spend more time with you...hehe!!! Don't get me wrong I'm not being clingy and all it just some feelings that i have.
P/s:Thanx for your help with my presentation though in the end i change quite a fair part of it hehe

Finally after a long dreaded wait i finally got what i wanted.....

It feels Gd cruising around,

It feels free as bird to roamed anywhere i wanna go,

It's worth the wait,and to top it off i saved tons more money now

Hahax and i smoke a lot lesser comparatively woohooo!!!!

Thanx darling for ur understanding and i really appreciate it....

Though I'm kinda tired and lazy today i still managed to clear some of my never ending work haiz.........What to do?This is the real world babe u gotta do what u must in other to survived...

I believe its finally getting into the heads of my bros.(Finally) They need to find/do work in other to survive and they can't get too big headed coz reality check dudes without money its hard for u to move around....True that money cannot buy everything but it is a necessity in one's life hahax...

And something trigger me off today...Though I'm not in the best of mood i still managed to pick u up and that's like super cool....Saw loads of valentines goodies but i know exactly what i wanna get for u le....So yupp

Day in,day out I'm waiting anxiously to know the outcome of my standby...Its a fucking freaky feeling not knowing where or when u may need to go...And with the limited time given to move off it seriously doesn't help at all lar....Bloody hell..If I am to go then my only wished is that i can steal a minute or two to see u...Yup2

Anyway if i have to go then i have to go at the moment I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.....

Have not been blogging for awhile due to my commitment to the outdoors and the thoughts of doing camps just get me excited,like a small kid joining a new cca waahahas....Oh well!!! That is what I've felt...

The past few weeks was kinda cool course I went back to do camps as a grp trainer can u believe it....And to spice it all up I even back to Inno to do their so call LAST Kaizen camp...It was super interesting.

Instead of taking the groups/classes that is being assigned to you the kids choose me as their trainer and i follow suit...They are from the technical stream though very vulgar and mischievous they were the fun bunch of the entire cohort...They actually do listen and we conscious of each others safety throughout the entire camp....We were the only group which do not have any injuries/casualties in the entire camp woohoo!!!

The teachers complimented about the debrief being very impact full and how me and my buddy managed to handle the kids...It was very rewarding to see the kids actually taking down notes and treating u as their role models....And the frenship that is being fostered in just mere 3 days is priceless...................

I have been doing some thinking lately....Unpredictable i maybe but there are things that I'm bound to lack,I may not have the build,the height,the look,the dimple as u wish for.....

One thing for sure I'm working on being a better man.....

Achievements for 2008:

• Cut down on smoking


• Stay put in one job


• Start a lil bit of savings


• No fighting


• Managed to control my temper

Hopefully by end of 2009 i managed to do more......

Best 2 weeks

It was the best two weeks where I just being myself with the kids....Though it felt weird initially but i managed to get the hang of it again.....Rusty?Yes I am but i managed....the feeling of taking groups,sharing,RARA-ing is what make it all worthwhile...

Part of me is still into it though i know for sure that theres a potential burn out it feels so refreshing....The camp at KAizen for Inno was definitely one of the best.The impact created to the kids was worthwhile though they are a bunch of notoriority waahaas....

Passion is the word I've got for outdoors.Lots of lesson learnt,re-learn and UN-learnt.

Thank God!!!

Woohoo! the doctor told me that I'm gonna be fine it will swells up for awhile then it will go away...Plus to top it up u are back in Sg so yupp....

Coolness after all the turmoil or goin around in circles for the past couple of days now I can back to my normal self.....It definitely feels like crap if u suddenly just gets lost Haiz..........
Maybe it's just me i guess waahaa!!!

Anyways it's time for me to plan the year ahead.....Save loads of money,go for hollidays shall be priority for this year other then other short term plans ahax!!!

What the fuck???

I have no fucking idea what's with me today.Fall from height twice today while doing rescue and assist.
I believe I'm not in the right state of mind for being so stupid and all....Oh well it's just part of the job if the pain does not go away i will be heading to the hospital later....Haiz.....

Tried to call u a couple of times but my guess is u are busy!!!!

So be it Idam is in a down mood now with all his freaking injury thanx to his stupidity or heroic action trying to safe others while neglecting his own FUCKING SAFETY....Well shit happen right and it may have happen for a reason....It's either me or someone else...

Ever wonder why the fuck u care so much for others when they don't give a damn about u.U can be the nicest guy on earth and u may have tried ur very best to change for the better but in the end does it matter....People will only know how to judge and don't even care for ur very existence.

As for me right now I'm in fucking pain shall not continue with this and shall head out argh!!!!!!!!!Till the next entry perhaps..........................................

Hmm.....

I started the day early today hahax....Thats a major improvement on my part hahax....Went to Homely Hardware to get some tools for work,went there with Sebastian and Mr Uncle George waahaa....oh well it went well and we get all the tools that we requires for the maintenance.....All in all we spent about $1000.....Poor Sebastian have to pay upfront hahax....

After that i went to Safra Yishun for a camp brief.It feels fucking gd lar got to be a trainer again and I'm gonna be the MC in the camp thanx to my bro haiz.....Oh well its gona be fun.I'm kinda excited actually to do it...It will be in an open area open to the public and i believe there will be public viewing the entire freaking campfire....Theme is gonna be tribal and i intend to start the campfire with a BANG....with all the dressing up and the show that we trainers gonna put up hahax.....I'm gonna try my very best to make sure that it's gonna be the nite to remember and to start the new year for all outdoor lovers/professional waahaa.....

Hopefully i still got what i takes to make gd campfire....

It's a gd day today and to top it up you called just to find out something tough it's irrelevent but u actually CALLED it shows that u still care and do think of me when u are away wee...hoooo......fee...wiit....Love u DEAR

Countdown

Woohoo???
Great???
Countdown???
New year???

Whatever fuck.....I did some of the most boring things that i could think off just to end 2008.
Met up with some of the guys and guess what? after a super long while Idam drink again feewiiit!!
Drank an entire bottle of Chivas and a bottle of Jim Beam.The interesting fact is that after all that booze I'm still not drunk so what do guys do? when they are in the mood of drinking they buy loads more....At the end of the nite I'm still not drunk....Haiz.....

Maybe its different?
Maybe i just don't give a fuck!!!

Whatever it is its just like one the normal days that I spend with the guys other then ice tea have been replaced with loads of alcoholic mixed.After having the so called warm up run at CB we head down to ct hall,guess what? we end up at starbucks how cool could that be rite....Countdown was held at starfucking buck....

I could just have left meet up with the others or maybe just stay fucking home and rot to death but NO smart ass Idam decided to stay put and be there for his friends....I believe i earn one hundred freaking points for being a great friend.

Oh well life goes on it's just like another fucking day different yr that's all waahahax...
You went away and I'm cool with it....It's just same fucking boring me bored to death not knowing what i want....Bloody hell!!!

Unpredictable i maybe but i know 1 thing for sure 2009 is gonna be something new...A different chapter a new beginning.Plans are being set with major goals wanna achieve....Push thru the horizons and with gods will and your love may it be a great wonderful year ahead...

Other then that its just me ranting waahahax.....
Now i feels better woohoo......???