Love the man,hate the beast within

Love the man....
Hate the beast within...

Hmmm......it seems like a profound tag line waahaha....Though I believe this chick have pick it up somewhere,somehow or rather it's kindda makes sense when she told me this...
It's not my intention to lead you or mind fucked you.You read the signs wrongly and i did my best to explain it to ya!!!But you are just too emotionally attached to me which freaks me out.
The stickier you get to me,the more it would repels me off so yupp...

Whatever it is I'm better this way...The cough,the bleeding and the drinking have yet to stop....Though the drinking amplified the emotions I am more in control of it now...As for the bleeding I just don't fucking care anymore,shall just let whatever happens,happened.

Shall live my life these way and will see what the future holds.
Know my strength and acknowledge the weakness so yupp

Here we go again,same shit different day.

Was having a hell of good time over the past few weeks,enjoying,savouring,learning and was practically bz.Now that it starts to soothe down then the boringness re-emerge ARGH!!!What the fuck!!!The emptiness,the hollowness and the semi-lost state of life comes settling in...
No wonder some ppl just choose to commit suicide or turn to suicidal mode hahax....And seriously i find that kindda interesting how magically stupid the human brain work!!!waahaha

Though there are tons out there who wanna change me badly.....My only Answer to that is SORRY!!! You can fucking try but when I've made up my mind it's difficult for anyone to pass thru me caused no one can go thru me unless I let them to....so yupp

Damn Shit!!!

The days are tough but whatever that doesn't kills u makes u stronger.....so yupp.
Been in and out of the sun most of the time,now I look like a bangladesh worker waahaha....
Shit happens I move on....Now,currently still am moving but where will it leads to??? Quite frankly I seriously don't care I'm just savouring whatever moment there is to it....

To all the ladies to bad if I happen to be a heartbreaker/selfless jerk. I did told u gals that there is no more romm for love to me caused it does not exist to me anymore...waahaha.So if u think u wana try to change my perceptions and thinking........well my advice better not cause its just a waste of time u will end up getting fuck by me then after awhile i will dump your sorry ass,BITCH so FUCK OFF.I need NO gals in mylife u are just meant to be fucked and getting fucked at so like what I've mention FUCK OFF.

Don't try to play your mind fucking games with caused it ain't gonna work.A piece of wholesome shit heads.

My advice to all my great lady friends out there,You will always be my darlings and I ain't gonna hurt u at all,anyways u ladies would have understand me well enough by now and please don't be like all those fucking bitches who tried to change me aite.Love u all always...........

The days seemed to be getting harder each time haix.........
Oh wells whatever that doesn't kills u makes u grew stronger. Though I have no idea how long it would last,one thing I do know for sure most of the time I felt like an outcast or maybe an alien in a new territory.It's tough but I'm gonna get the hang of it I think....

Bleeding is like second nature to me now...Pain??? Hmm....I think i have a super high tolerance on that one haha....

Learn,un-learn and re-learn,haix......so bloody tough to go thru this one hahax....

There wasn't a night that pass thru that I did not think of u but decision have been made and actions have been taken so here I again being me just me.
I Have no idea if anyone else is reading these but having a blog just helps u to keep like a life jornal of what's happening and what's goin on and it's kindda fun to read thru it all.5 more years to go then shall decide what to do next hahax

Though how it sucks and it's difficult for me to bounce back to life I know for a fact that I must....
I shall remain true to myself caused that's what I'm left with.....

One thing for sure I know for a fact that I hate LOVE,and will not try to be in it ever again....

Woman,ladies and gals in general they are just gd as friends and nothing more cause they will toy with you till there is no end to it...

Now not only am I emtionally hurt,I am also physically disabled woohoo!!!
Lets just see how i would be able to get thru these.Another phase,another chapter.....My heart only belongs to one and to that only one I would come back to....At the moment all the time spent,all the memories created meant nothing at all....

I have been dumped.I'm dumb enough to be dump......

What's the worst thing u can think about living home...some say homesick others say home cooked food. For me the oneof the worst thing right now is to fall sick ARGH!!!
It feels so fucking shitty that how I wished I could make it better.......
Been bleeding most of the time,unstable body temperature like I'm in Mars.
What ever the fuck is whatever that doesn't kills u,makes u grow stronger.....
Though the dreadful,suffering experienced already kills u 3/4 of the way I'm sure it's better than being back home.....
The only thing that keeps me moving is knowing for the fact that love sucks and all women are just borned to be fucked!!!waahaha.....
They are good as friends,but don't ever commit.
And yupp they are good for bedtime stories too,so don't blame the guys for fucking around cause u gals makes us these way...............

Though u have always been the pillar but now u are not even close to me.....

Many questions bout my actions and re-actions but heck even I myself no fucking idea.Though it's super fucking cold to live here and I was never meant to be here int he 1st place,it definitely is worth evry single penny.....

2010 I've begun to hate the word love,been in it fucking too many times that it always ends up with me being hurt.Each time the hurt just gets deeper than before....If it trully does mean a simplest thing to you,you wouldn't do what you've done.Heck we are definitely living in a roman empire...Even romeo and juliet stayed by each other,Robin and lady Marian was there for each other though they never really spend any quality time together....

Love is a myth,it have always been and will always be.....

I left,call me a coward-call me loser whatever the fuck is no one can understand the pain that I've gone thru....

Lesson learnt though I'm not certain what the future holds I know for sure I'm gonna endure it all.

My heart belongs to some one so fucking away and no matter how I wish it was a dream a real fact is that reality often hurts so fuck it....Not worth it,never was and it never will be.....so life goes on in these new arena....May it brings out the life in me which are now dead......

Time to get back to reality.....

Hopefully the body the body can take it and the mind can handle it and the heart to endure it......
Freaking cold and freezing but maybe i might and will survive these ordeal.....
Whatever the fuck is I'm not goin back there.........

I know it's not gonna be any better if i created the distance but whatever the fuck it is....
I'm just gonna disappear....It's freezing cold and there is more day then night,what the fuck just don't care and don't bother.I know for a fact I am losing myself.There is no more me as I know it.
Goodbye 2009,the year that kills me,I have no fucking idea why u decide the way you do.whatever it is it just kills me.....so fuck it,got no family,no frends,no love...........Just waiting for the time ther will be no more me......